January 10, 2013

An Incomplete List of What Sexual Consent Is Not

HEADS UP: This article frankly discusses the topic of rape.
  • Five "no"s and one "yes" is not consent.  You cannot pester someone until they finally cave and have sex with you -- well, technically you can, but it would make you a rapist. This is one of those really really REALLY bad ideas being reinforced again and again and again by the media. Think about the movies and television shows you've watched: there's a scene where a girl is sitting on a bed looking uncomfortable, she tells her boyfriend that she does not want to have sex with him, he's nagging at her with pleadings of "c'mon..." and "don't you love me?" and "why not?!" Pretty often, she gives in. More often, the audience is prompted to laugh at this behavior. We really ought to think about what this is teaching young people -- teaching them that their "no" is not good enough, that they must explain their "no" or it is not valid ("but WHY won't you fuck me?!") and, simply, that their own desires on what is to be done with their body do not matter; that it is okay to put this sort of pressure on their peers and that it's okay to ignore what they want. It isn't. 
  • Dating/being married to someone is not automatic consent. This is the mindset that leads to date rape and marital rape; just because someone has agreed to go out on a date with you, to be your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner, or even agreed to marry you, this does not mean you have the right to help yourself to their body. No one ever owes you sex, and just being in a relationship with someone does not revoke their right to say "no". 
  • Someone who is drunk/otherwise under the influence cannot consent. Yet another scene we're used to seeing in movies: the characters are going to be attending a party that night, one character rejoices in the fact that there are going to be "so many drunk chicks!!!" there that night, presumably because drunk girls are easier to fuck. This sort of predatory behavior -- of actively seeking out partners who are not in the right state of mind to deny you -- is a rapist's mindset. Rapists know that a victim who has been drinking is less likely to be taken seriously; her behavior ("why did you go out to a party by yourself?!") is what's going to be scrutinized. The rapist knows it, and his victims will probably know it too; which might even prompt them to never even report a rape
Asking for consent is not difficult.
  • If it's not "yes", it's no. Unless it is made obvious to you (you've asked them like in the example above, they're enthusiastically reciprocating your touch, or they've blatantly told you "yes, I would like to have sex") you've gotta take it as a "no". If they're silent, it's "no." If they're being completely still, it's "no". If they're not kissing you back, not reciprocating, it's "no". If they say "I'm not sure...", "I don't know about this...", "wait...", or some other hesitant response, it's "no" -- and you have to take their answer as final, because as discussed in the first bullet, you also can't beg someone til they cave. If they end up changing their mind (on their own, without you pushing them to do it), I'm sure they'll let you know. But for now, you have to back off and leave them alone. 
  • It's not consent if you make them afraid to say "no". This goes for the obvious things, such as rape at gunpoint/knifepoint, but it also counts if you intimidate them without the use of a weapon. Twisting their arm, backing them into a corner, telling them you won't drive them home unless they comply with your desires. Consent is given willingly; not pulled from someone out of fear.
  • Someone who is asleep/passed out cannot consent.  It's appalling that this needs to be stated, but there have been many times when a rapist has taken advantage of someone who is unconscious. Putting your hands on someone who is blacked out on a couch at a party is rape. Sneakily putting your hands on someone who is asleep is rape. If they're not, you know, conscious, there's no way for them to say "yes, I want this", and that makes it rape. 
  • Just because you received consent from someone once doesn't mean you have consent forever. Consent is active; it must constantly be reaffirmed. Maybe they slept with you that one time at that one party, but that doesn't mean you're allowed to put your hands on them forever and always -- because, hey, maybe they only wanted it to happen once! Consent is never something that, under any circumstances, can be assumed, and it can also be revoked in a moment's notice -- even in the middle of a sexual act. It's also important to remember that just because someone has consented to one sexual act does not mean they've consented to every sexual act. If you want to try something new, you must ask. 
  • Someone's outfit does not imply consent.  If you want to hook up with someone, you have to ask them, not their mini skirt. People often make the mistake of assuming that a person who is dressed in provocative clothing must want to have sex, but this is a product of sexism; it's a women-are-my-property mindset that leads rapists to think "if they're dressing this way, they're dressing this way for me". It doesn't even occur to them that this person could be wearing the low-cut dress because they like it.

You'll notice that this article is an "incomplete" list -- because this is not the final word on what consent is not, and sometimes these things need to be handled on a case-by-case basis. Sexual consent is something that is enthusiastic; given freely without any pressure or fear. Consent is listening to your partner, taking note of their body language, and asking, "Is this okay? Do you like this?". And sexual contact without consent is rape. If you're unsure of whether a person is consenting or is able to consent, then stop.


  1. Dietary habits, particularly when the athlete is involved in a strenuous strength and fitness training program, will make or break your results, determining the success or failure of your overall program.

  2. Your question is good but Manchester incall how many people follow this rule during sex.

  3. Currently, your current top nine sex books with regard to men with Amazon usually are split between a couple of subjects. 80% of a books are generally devoted to help matters with regards to male sexual health ALONG WITH performance issues, though your current some other 20% dealings within sexual abuse ALONG WITH it is aftermath.casual dating

  4. Useful info. Fortunate me I discovered your site unintentionally, and I_m shocked why this coincidence did not essay writing here happened in advance! I bookmarked it.

  5. Having a filtration on my computer will prevent adult internet sites free porn coming from bombarding your current monitor, which helps your heads involving mothers and fathers through making sure that content material is it being managed appropriately.

  6. Unfortunately, Astro Boy is not a perfect replica and, just as he discovers he's not a real boy, Dr. Tenma comes to regret his actions and wants to dismantle him. Astro flees and, like Pinnochio (who's story was in inspiration for Tezuka's original), he goes on his quest to discover what a real boy is made of.

  7. Unsecured advances are the most captivating and enticing credit kind that has ever run over my insight. You are at least hazard particularly you are just free from any probability of repossession of your home or some other resource. Check Cashing San-diego

  8. During the year leading up to menopause, when periods have stopped for a full year estrogen level fall and spike and during this period women may experience less sex desire due to increase vaginal dryness.
    male enhancement pills

  9. But, there is a type of anxiety that is common to men when we talk about sexual issues- men's sexual anxiety. Men's sexual anxiety affects their performance in bed.
    enlast cream price

  10. Continuously look at rates before applying for an advance.

  11. In this period of false reverence, the author has composed each word with everything that is in him filled it.
    Men's Health Ultimate

  12. Motive por qué las secciones camiseta real madrid de información son extremadamente importantes: ¿necesita football team kits la escuela de circunstancia podría estar completando perfeccionamientos perfectos en terapias? Los entrenadores de comprensión prevalente logran recopilar archivos en las características de la persona camisetas de futbol replicas por medio del trabajo de clase, Maillot De Foot Pas Cher Net las tareas de trabajo de Prep y, como resultado, los resultados de las pruebas. Esto es lo que los datos son realmente esenciales porque camisetas de futbol un Camisetas Baratas De Futbol maestro de escuela puede visitar fácilmente. Usar las características de los Maillot Equipe De France Foot Pas Cher niños maglie calcio sobre estas necesidades de las personas, si un niño puede tener un desarrollo correcto de producción o si desea alguna guía personalizada. Los archivos le aconsejarán cuando la cirugía funcione o.

  13. This comment has been removed by the author.

  14. This comment has been removed by the author.

  15. Thanks for this great information post in this article.

  16. (CNN) Satanists have unveiled their design for Yeezy Boost 350 Black a proposed statue at the Oklahoma state Capitol, including a Cheap Jordans For Sale place for people to sit on the devil lap inspiration and contemplation. New York based Satanic Temple submitted its proposal to Oklahoma officials this month after applying for a spot on Capitol grounds late last year. The Satanists say their statue would and contrast Jordan 1 Black And White with a Ten Commandments monument placed at the Capitol in Oklahoma City in 2012..

    Messages promoting your business, project or a special deal will be removed. Trolling: Stay relevant and on topic. If you purposely try to derail a conversation or Black And White Jordans post inflammatory comments, they will be removed and you will be at risk of being suspended or banned.

    As their boat pulled ashore, Brent Caite couldn't help but notice Yeezys For Sale the massive scaffolding towering over the water and giant condor wings that waited for them. As the pair donned wetsuits and the bird feet, Brent said, "I never thought I'd dress like a bird and try Yeezy Boost 350 Cheap to act like I was flying." Walking up the ramp to the top of the scaffolding, the dating models put on the wings and, on the count of three, ran Black And Yellow Jordan 1 to the edge and jumped off. Unfortunately, their flight over the water was short lived as they plummeted into the cold lake and then swam to the buoy to retrieve their clue in fourth place..

    As it turned out, pitching coach Aumont taught starting pitcher Aumont how to be a better player and a more confident and level headed person. His 2019 statistics, records and awards with the Champions were Yeezy Boost For Sale remarkable by Canadian American Association of Professional Baseball standards as well as his impressive international outings for Canada have earned him an invitation to the Toronto Blue Yeezy Boost 350 Cheap Jays spring training camp, which begins Wednesday, Feb. 12..

    When she is not visiting schools and training new mentors, she can be found volunteering at her local nature center, caring for injured birds of prey. Ms. Jani is the Founding Executive Director of SPEAK Mentorship, Purple And White Jordans a nonprofit that ensures all individuals have the means to achieve personal and professional goals by enhancing critical community connections that open the doors to opportunity..

  17. Air Jordan 11 Retro All Black, As they say, you can go to a barber to ask whether you should have a haircut. Likewise, if you go to a business coach, he or she won tell you that you are useless and, at best, you are likely to come second last. Instead, they peddle the lies that you can do anything, as long as you put your mind to it.

    The way to get there, he decided, was through football. {tag: Yeezy Boost 350 V2 Cream White}Outside, frame a section that has a water feature or garden. Set up appealing seating constructed with materials that are beautiful to look at and to touch. Think about other options for framing, such as stringing a hammock between two trees or hanging a swing on a sturdy branch. {tag: White Yeezy Boost 950}

    Pam shoves the sandwich at him with a reassuring, conspiratorial smile: "I'm not gonna tell anyone," she coos. Of course he takes a bite. It's delicious.. {tag: Yeezy 350 Cloud White Reflective}India will have to open up sometime. A lockdown, according to some studies, reduced R0 (R naught) to less than one. R0 is a measure of how infectious a disease is; it is expressed in terms of the number of people likely to catch the disease from one infected person. {tag: Yeezy V 350 Triple White}

    Jordan Future Low Black Footlocker, Jobs. With that pick, the Packers drafted quarterback Jordan Love from Utah State 15 years to the day after the team drafted Aaron Rodgers to be Brett Favre successor. Burrow won the Heisman Memorial Trophy in his senior season at Louisiana State University.

    Air Jordan 14 Black Ferrari On Feet, Case in point: Medical examiners in Santa Clara County, Calif., discovered that someone who died at home Feb. 6 had contracted COVID 19. From the virus occurred about three weeks earlier than was previously thought, and in a different state.

  18. Jordan 6 Black Red, If your shoe collection hasn had a pair of Nikes in it then you are doing something wrong. A great pair of Nikes is the cornerstone of any great shoe collection. For those of you that are looking for new sneakers and are in the market for a running shoe then these are going to knock your socks off, figuratively.

    Defenders, Houston Roughnecks, Los Angeles Wildcats, New York Guardians, Seattle Dragons, St. {tag: Yeezy Wave Runner 700 White Gum}Another concern is the potential for the 2010 Criteria to be used to impose blunt age categorizations. The statement goes on to explain that though the ADPH released new guidelines for crisis standards of care on Feb. {tag: Ebay White Yeezy}

    Nike Air Jordan Black Toe, Bush's reaction could be because he has a bit of a troubled past with West. Back in 2005, West accused the then president of 'not caring about Black people' during a Hurricane Katrina telethon. Bush later revealed in his autobiography that he had told his wife Laura at the time that the telethon was the worst moment of his presidency..

    At the time, the company said declining demand for the "products that can be produced by most of the equipment at Goodyear Gadsden drove the decision to adjust staffing levels at the plant." 2020 Advance Local Media LLC. {tag: Yeezy Powerphase White Release}

    The Avacta team has been working long nights and weekends to get this done. (Image: Cambridge News)Sign up to FREE email alerts from CambridgeLive dailySubscribeWhen you subscribe we will use the information you provide to send you these newsletters. Sometimes they'll include recommendations for other related newsletters or services we offer. {tag: Where To Buy Yeezy 350 V2 Triple White}

  19. Personnel scheduling problems involve multiple tasks, including assigning shifts to workers. The purpose is usually to satisfy objectives and Air Jordan 1 Sale constraints arising from 2020 Jordan Release Dates management, labour Real Yeezy Shoes unions and employee preferences. The shift assignment problem is usually highly constrained and difficult to solve.

    We also thoroughly Coach Outlet Store Online enjoyed our Cheap Yeezy Shoes driver Mahmoud. He was very kind, patient

  20. KARACHI: Weak rupee driven sturdy Cheap Ray Ban Glasses New Yeezys 2020 growth in remittances is not going to give a much needed respite to fragile current account position, but a potential IMF bailout will keep the balance of payment crisis at bay, a Coach Outlet Clearance British think tank says. High remittance inflows will not prevent a widening of the Coach Bags Clearance current account deficit this year, which we estimate at $18.3 billion, the equivalent of 5.8 percent of GDP, the Economist Intelligence Unit (EIU) said in a report on Thursday. Michael Kors Outlet Store We expect that an IMF (International Monetary Fund) bailout program that is likely to begin in early 2019, along with supplementary loans from bilateral donors, will New Jordan Shoes 2020 allow Pakistan narrowly to avoid a balance of payments Coach Bags Outlet crisis.

    Your doctor might recommend botulinum toxin (Botox) injections, which can help relax the muscles that control your eyelids. She may MK Outlet check you Nike Air Force 1 Cheap Outlet for dry eyes or other irritating conditions that could cause the eyelid spasms. If you cut or tear the tissue of your eyelid, it can damage the parts of your eyes that drain tears.

  21. The symbolism was hard to miss, for, the same week, the Lake Superior port city was to receive another patriotic vessel on an ill plotted course through ever shallower waters. Ostensibly in support of GOP Coach Outlet Online congressional candidate Pete Stauber, Donald Trump will hold a campaign event in Duluth tonight. It is, in fact, Michael Kors Bags Outlet an event Coach Outlet Clearance Sale in support of Donald Trump, who Nike Air Force 1 Cheap Outlet will happily tell everyone how great things are (very great!) and who they should thank (you get one guess)..

    Its MK Outlet Store best tracks offer some of the finest sounds being made in pop music right now. For a fellow who spends so much time taking his Coach Purses On Clearance own pulse, Drake has a very good sense of what people want to hear. It's the Michael Kors Outlet Online voice of a man reaching for Coach Outlet Clearance Sale a happiness that's always just out of his reach..

  22. I am so happy today with the help of Dr Unity. He can also any kind of sickness and he can solve any kind of problems in this world. Friends i believe Dr Unity is a man to trust and believe on.. Follow Its Influence. Informal learning may be difficult to quantify, but you can qualify it. Consider unconventional methods, such as job readiness reviews and peer appraisals, to reveal what is being learned.

    You ask about MK Outlet Online why you must use grid. There is no requirement to use grid. Place, grid and pack can all be used. Jordan Shoes For Sale He Ray Ban Outlet has now been tossed out of Best Yeezys the Conservative Cheap Michael Kors Handbags Party Coach Outlet Online in the UK and may not be able to reenter Canada, the scene of many of his crimes. Nike Air Force 1 Cheap Outlet The Feds even seized his wife's $3 Coach Outlet Clearance Sale million ring. An editor at the Telegraph in London, once one of "his papers," said he was "addicted to money."..